a week of overwhelm

A strange week so far. Smoke in the air. It has been time with old friends and time in the city. This day was introspective on opposite ends. I have found more stripping of the old, and more familiarity to the new. Today I enjoyed the dentist just because I chatted with a wonderful faith-filled hygienist. Today I was let down by a friend. I don't care what happens as long as there's Jesus. Stripping hurts though. I have been thinking of what I want, personally and beyond what I hope for everyone else. Beyond what has been and could be. I want to live beyond the comforting mundane. The dulling mundane. Specifically, I want to live in the city. I don't want to be in a small and struggling, unbalanced church. I want to be part of a church with a strong foundation and a healthy gathering of all generations. I want a home that functions better, functions well. I want practicality, as that is my personality ingrained. Most of all, I want to be able to have more quality time with my own family and quiet time for myself. I need to be healthier, not more tired and run down. I need to be filled and fellowship, not let down and left alone. I need to be free to be creative, not hushed and overwhelmed. Today I felt almost like the last tie was cut and it is okay. Today I had a date with my eldest son too. I want more of that. It seems we are all left empty at the end of running out and driving around. I want to go to an appointment and then come home for lunch. I want night studies and winter classes, and freedom to be who we are created to be. I want diversity and truth.