I WILL NOT STAND STILL.

Maybe we should be going out instead of gathering. I have always felt like you can only grow so much until you desire to do more. Isn't the purpose of gathering to make a plan? Isn't the purpose of gathering together, to build each other up for good works. Not just for ourselves. And I would dare to say, not even just for our children. How are they to know how to have servants hearts if we are not serving? How are they to know the joy of selflessness for the sake of others? I have the best memories, the kind in which my heart soars, in simple ministry.
My Aunt and Uncle used to run a place called the Hope House. I remember that they would open these big doors and let in whoever would like to come off of the street. It was a time for a free, hot meal. It was also a time for getting to know people and being together. I loved to sit and sing with my Uncle as he played worship songs. It was where my desire to learn guitar was first formed. I loved the feeling of doing something beyond and I still love the thought of worshipping amidst the poor and broken. How awesome to break some heaviness. Music and mingling. My Aunt, she loved to serve, feeding the physical hunger. Church lived out.
I do not have a strong spirit. Although, that could be debated, I never feel it. But in these times I am brave. I want to feel more bravery. I will not stand still. I have to do more. I feel blessed in the intentional going. I want the times of sitting, of gathering, to develop a burning in my heart for serving. I need both; filling and pouring out. I don't want to be dry and I don't want to be stagnant. So, oh Lord, give me clarity. Let decisions be separate and one side of my frustrated thoughts be stronger than the other. I know what is valuable and I know what is ultimate. You are the forefront of my wanting, but I cannot see clearly. And, I am not the only one choosing in all of this. Let me not be leaning to the wrong side or pushing for the wrong outcomes, or with the wrong intentions. Your will be done.